I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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