a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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