I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
