I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
