I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
