Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize