theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
