he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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