Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
