he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
