Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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