and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
