I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
