I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She bit a glass in half.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
