I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
