i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
