We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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