yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
