to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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