I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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