Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize