i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
