His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
