btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
