Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
