Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize