Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
