marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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