hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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