It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
