do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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