How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
