The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
