I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
