Are we in a gay sports bar?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
