Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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