That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize