So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
