it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
