He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
