I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
