She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
