the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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