Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
