I look better un-naked...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The air was thick with penises
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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