ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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