you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
