Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
