so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
