is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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