so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
