I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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