3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
