is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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