Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
