420 ftw
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
