Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
