It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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