Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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