There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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