I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
