We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
