I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
