So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
