and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
