@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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