Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
