We're like a lot better than the average bears
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
