just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
