Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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