Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
