obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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