Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
