Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
